This is a humour piece. No offence is intended against any person living, dead or fictitious. No offence or disrespect is intended towards the disabled or those born with certain disabilities/deformities. Please read it as it is meant to be... a humour piece, nothing else.
Circa: A long long long long time ago.
Scene: The finale of the Ramayana. Lord Ram and Ravan are locked in their epic battle and both of them have shot off more than half their arrows with little to show. Ravan has had a couple of his heads knocked off and is finding it increasingly difficult to defeat Ram.
Lord Ram: Give up, Ravan.
Ravan: Nothing doing! In fact, actually, I am going to do something.
<Poof> Ravan disappears in a blinding flash of light. Lord Ram blinded by the flash, manages to perceive that his enemy has managed to open a time vortex and disappear. Furious, he jumps in after Ravan.
<Poof> Ravan appears in modern day India at a government office in Delhi where people are lined up in a queue waiting for their turn to peek through the 3"x3" window and utter some gibberish that results in them getting some money. Wondering what it's all about Ravan asks the next man.
Ravan: What's up, dude? Why are you all standing in line here?
Man (takes one long look at Ravan and his eight remaining heads and eyes his sword suspiciously): Get in line!
R: What for?
M: To get your benefits. Have you filled up the form?
R: What form?
M: The form that will get you the disability pension. Or don't you want it?
R: Why should I want a disability pension?
M: Umm... ok, physical deformity pension?
R: What physical deformity?
M: Don't you have like, some extra heads, y'know?
R: Foolish man. Those are not extra heads. They are useful heads. How else do you think I am known to be so well-read? Each head has a brain that has read a lot of different things.
M (shrugging): Your wish, though I seriously suggest you fill up that form and get in line. I think the end of the line is outside that door.
R: OK. I shall fill it up and stand in line, only to gather a new experience.
Just then <poof> Lord Ram appears out of the time warp.
Lord Ram: Running away, eh, Ravan? But you can't escape me! Today you shall meet your destiny.
R: Ram, I seriously am not in the mood for any more fighting. I am busy.
LR: And why are you not in the mood to fight?
R: Because you called Rajinikanth over such a trivial matter. We could have sorted it out between ourselves. Why did you have to get him involved?
LR: Hah. Crying foul now, are you? Serves you right. Good shall defeat evil! And what are you doing with that paper? Is that some new evil plot you are hatching on it?
R: No, it's a disability pension form.
LR: Disability pension form? What in heaven's name do YOU need a disability pension form for?
R: To get a disability pension!
LR: What do you mean disability?
R: I've like, got y'know, like ten, sorry, now, eight heads?
LR: So, how does that make you disabled?
R: Hush, these days it's called physical handicap or deformity, if you please.
LR: Really? So, how does that make you disabled?
R: You know everytime I have to go through a door? Well, I can't just walk through it. I have to siddle past the doors sideways, like a crab, y'know. It can be very tiring. I asked the royal architect to break the doors and build new ones so that I could just walk through them. Do you know what he did? He told me to get my heads examined and to keep the best one. The rest, he said, should be discarded!
LR: Really? He said that? Tsk, I can imagine.
R: What's worse is when I am laying with one of my numerous wives.
LR: How is that worse?
R: You know, while I am hard at work trying to do what's right, the rest of the heads will start peeking and start whistling or giving directions or start taking some other wife's name. It's a real put-off and a head in the wrong place. Can you imagine, I can't even do a proper 69 with any of my wives! I need to call in 9 others so that each head is satisfied!
LR: Tsk, I pity you. You carry on standing in the line to collect your disability pension. I'll just scoot on, collect Sita and hike it back to Ayodhya. What say?
R: Yeah, and I would like it very much if you would ask Hanuman to stop burning my castles for fun. Oh and while you are at it, would you like to go around Lanka and see the sights and sounds of the place? There's some beautiful beaches we have back home. Let me know if you like it. I am putting in place a tourism plan for the island and would like some feedback.
LR: Sure. Is there some special package you are offering?
R: Heck, dude, I am standing in line here for a disability pension and you want a special package? Not fair, y'know. Now sod off and let me collect my pension.
Circa: A long long long long time ago.
Scene: The finale of the Ramayana. Lord Ram and Ravan are locked in their epic battle and both of them have shot off more than half their arrows with little to show. Ravan has had a couple of his heads knocked off and is finding it increasingly difficult to defeat Ram.
Lord Ram: Give up, Ravan.
Ravan: Nothing doing! In fact, actually, I am going to do something.
<Poof> Ravan disappears in a blinding flash of light. Lord Ram blinded by the flash, manages to perceive that his enemy has managed to open a time vortex and disappear. Furious, he jumps in after Ravan.
<Poof> Ravan appears in modern day India at a government office in Delhi where people are lined up in a queue waiting for their turn to peek through the 3"x3" window and utter some gibberish that results in them getting some money. Wondering what it's all about Ravan asks the next man.
Ravan: What's up, dude? Why are you all standing in line here?
Man (takes one long look at Ravan and his eight remaining heads and eyes his sword suspiciously): Get in line!
R: What for?
M: To get your benefits. Have you filled up the form?
R: What form?
M: The form that will get you the disability pension. Or don't you want it?
R: Why should I want a disability pension?
M: Umm... ok, physical deformity pension?
R: What physical deformity?
M: Don't you have like, some extra heads, y'know?
R: Foolish man. Those are not extra heads. They are useful heads. How else do you think I am known to be so well-read? Each head has a brain that has read a lot of different things.
M (shrugging): Your wish, though I seriously suggest you fill up that form and get in line. I think the end of the line is outside that door.
R: OK. I shall fill it up and stand in line, only to gather a new experience.
Just then <poof> Lord Ram appears out of the time warp.
Lord Ram: Running away, eh, Ravan? But you can't escape me! Today you shall meet your destiny.
R: Ram, I seriously am not in the mood for any more fighting. I am busy.
LR: And why are you not in the mood to fight?
R: Because you called Rajinikanth over such a trivial matter. We could have sorted it out between ourselves. Why did you have to get him involved?
LR: Hah. Crying foul now, are you? Serves you right. Good shall defeat evil! And what are you doing with that paper? Is that some new evil plot you are hatching on it?
R: No, it's a disability pension form.
LR: Disability pension form? What in heaven's name do YOU need a disability pension form for?
R: To get a disability pension!
LR: What do you mean disability?
R: I've like, got y'know, like ten, sorry, now, eight heads?
LR: So, how does that make you disabled?
R: Hush, these days it's called physical handicap or deformity, if you please.
LR: Really? So, how does that make you disabled?
R: You know everytime I have to go through a door? Well, I can't just walk through it. I have to siddle past the doors sideways, like a crab, y'know. It can be very tiring. I asked the royal architect to break the doors and build new ones so that I could just walk through them. Do you know what he did? He told me to get my heads examined and to keep the best one. The rest, he said, should be discarded!
LR: Really? He said that? Tsk, I can imagine.
R: What's worse is when I am laying with one of my numerous wives.
LR: How is that worse?
R: You know, while I am hard at work trying to do what's right, the rest of the heads will start peeking and start whistling or giving directions or start taking some other wife's name. It's a real put-off and a head in the wrong place. Can you imagine, I can't even do a proper 69 with any of my wives! I need to call in 9 others so that each head is satisfied!
LR: Tsk, I pity you. You carry on standing in the line to collect your disability pension. I'll just scoot on, collect Sita and hike it back to Ayodhya. What say?
R: Yeah, and I would like it very much if you would ask Hanuman to stop burning my castles for fun. Oh and while you are at it, would you like to go around Lanka and see the sights and sounds of the place? There's some beautiful beaches we have back home. Let me know if you like it. I am putting in place a tourism plan for the island and would like some feedback.
LR: Sure. Is there some special package you are offering?
R: Heck, dude, I am standing in line here for a disability pension and you want a special package? Not fair, y'know. Now sod off and let me collect my pension.
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