Taking off from where I left it last time, or rather continuing from where I left it last time because, well, the situation has changed. If you haven't read the first part, please do here: The Problems of Being Ravan
Scenario: A morose Ravan is sitting on a chair outside Nandu's tea stall somewhere in Delhi. In his right hand he's holding some pink papers. In his left a cellphone. Lord Ram appears, all tanned (from his Sri Lanka trip) and beaming like a 1000-watt bulb.
Lord Ram: Ravan, dude, what's up?
Ravan: Look Ram, I really don't have time for any of your bickering. I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I don't know if I can take it any longer.
LR: Whoa, dude, like you are really out. Tell me what happened?
R: What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? You don't have any clue, do you? The world's gone all topsy turvy and here you are standing there asking me what happened?
LR: No, seriously, what happened?
R: (flashing the pink papers in his hand) Look at this. Do you know what this is?
LR: Nope, why not enlighten me, pun intended?
R: These are the new currency notes that have been brought into circulation by the government in your country. Can you see this? This is PINK in colour. Do you think a man's man like me is going to be seen pulling a pink currency note out of his raw, but faux, bull's hide wallet? I mean, I can imagine seeing it coming out of my numerous wives' wallets in their dainty hands with pretty fingers with pink nail paint. But me? No, sir. I am going to wage war on these notes.
LR: War? On these notes? Like seriously, how are you going to wage war on lifeless papers? What about our war? And where did you get these from?
R: I don't know. I need to call my trusted advisor and ask him how. And no, I am not going to fight with you right now. And I got these notes from the teller at the bank. I had to give him back the old currency notes. I got gypped there too. I gave him 4000 bucks and he returned only these 2500 bucks. I am beginning to get really exasperated. The fellow said it's good for the nation and that if I had to prove my loyalty to the nation, I shouldn't crib.
LR: Why ask your advisor? Why can't any one of your 10 heads think up of a nefarious scheme?
R: We've all got headaches looking at these notes and this cellphone and thanks to all this pollution.
LR: Cellphone? Why? Couldn't figure it out, could you? And what about pollution?
R: No, we figured it out well and good. Problem is we can't use it. My beautiful Lanka has so much better air quality. Here, all I get to breathe in is car exhaust fumes, people's farts, bad body odour. I've got a bad cough and I don't even smoke!
LR: Huh? Why? One too many heads with a pair of ears each? And yes, the air quality in Lanka is far better.
R: The problem is that I can't get a conversation of a decent length in without the call dropping. I've been trying to call my Prime Minister for the last half hour and all I've managed to say to him has been "Hello". After that the call drops or doesn't connect properly. I've got a 4G sim which, I think, is disabled like me. I've run out of balance and have only these currency notes with me which are usable. I need to get a new Jio sim.
LR: Oookkaayyy. Minor hassles, don't you think? Why not go back to Lanka?
R: I can't!
LR: But why?
R: My ride's stuck in traffic! Some clown has also managed to put a deep scratch in my gold plated fenders. I am going to find him and kill him.
LR: Tsk, like, dude, why don't you just go <poof> and head on back to Lanka? You are a great lord and can do that, can't you?
R: I can't.
LR: But why? Have you forgotten how to do that?
R: No. My disability pension rules say I can't do anything that the others can't. So, I have to wait for my ride. It's already 3 hours late.
LR: Say, you wanna hitch a ride with me?
R: You'll give me a ride?
LR: Sure, why not? I can tell you about where all Sita and I went in Lanka and enjoyed.
R: Oh cool. Help me up, will you? Where's your ride?
LR: Stuck in traffic!
Scenario: A morose Ravan is sitting on a chair outside Nandu's tea stall somewhere in Delhi. In his right hand he's holding some pink papers. In his left a cellphone. Lord Ram appears, all tanned (from his Sri Lanka trip) and beaming like a 1000-watt bulb.
Lord Ram: Ravan, dude, what's up?
Ravan: Look Ram, I really don't have time for any of your bickering. I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I don't know if I can take it any longer.
LR: Whoa, dude, like you are really out. Tell me what happened?
R: What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? You don't have any clue, do you? The world's gone all topsy turvy and here you are standing there asking me what happened?
LR: No, seriously, what happened?
R: (flashing the pink papers in his hand) Look at this. Do you know what this is?
LR: Nope, why not enlighten me, pun intended?
R: These are the new currency notes that have been brought into circulation by the government in your country. Can you see this? This is PINK in colour. Do you think a man's man like me is going to be seen pulling a pink currency note out of his raw, but faux, bull's hide wallet? I mean, I can imagine seeing it coming out of my numerous wives' wallets in their dainty hands with pretty fingers with pink nail paint. But me? No, sir. I am going to wage war on these notes.
LR: War? On these notes? Like seriously, how are you going to wage war on lifeless papers? What about our war? And where did you get these from?
R: I don't know. I need to call my trusted advisor and ask him how. And no, I am not going to fight with you right now. And I got these notes from the teller at the bank. I had to give him back the old currency notes. I got gypped there too. I gave him 4000 bucks and he returned only these 2500 bucks. I am beginning to get really exasperated. The fellow said it's good for the nation and that if I had to prove my loyalty to the nation, I shouldn't crib.
LR: Why ask your advisor? Why can't any one of your 10 heads think up of a nefarious scheme?
R: We've all got headaches looking at these notes and this cellphone and thanks to all this pollution.
LR: Cellphone? Why? Couldn't figure it out, could you? And what about pollution?
R: No, we figured it out well and good. Problem is we can't use it. My beautiful Lanka has so much better air quality. Here, all I get to breathe in is car exhaust fumes, people's farts, bad body odour. I've got a bad cough and I don't even smoke!
LR: Huh? Why? One too many heads with a pair of ears each? And yes, the air quality in Lanka is far better.
R: The problem is that I can't get a conversation of a decent length in without the call dropping. I've been trying to call my Prime Minister for the last half hour and all I've managed to say to him has been "Hello". After that the call drops or doesn't connect properly. I've got a 4G sim which, I think, is disabled like me. I've run out of balance and have only these currency notes with me which are usable. I need to get a new Jio sim.
LR: Oookkaayyy. Minor hassles, don't you think? Why not go back to Lanka?
R: I can't!
LR: But why?
R: My ride's stuck in traffic! Some clown has also managed to put a deep scratch in my gold plated fenders. I am going to find him and kill him.
LR: Tsk, like, dude, why don't you just go <poof> and head on back to Lanka? You are a great lord and can do that, can't you?
R: I can't.
LR: But why? Have you forgotten how to do that?
R: No. My disability pension rules say I can't do anything that the others can't. So, I have to wait for my ride. It's already 3 hours late.
LR: Say, you wanna hitch a ride with me?
R: You'll give me a ride?
LR: Sure, why not? I can tell you about where all Sita and I went in Lanka and enjoyed.
R: Oh cool. Help me up, will you? Where's your ride?
LR: Stuck in traffic!
