A Fictitious Dialogue between Superman and Batman IV or The non-existent love life of Superman

Scene: Superman sitting in his Fortress of Solitude looking all grim and sad. Batman walks in looking as pleased as a Panda whose stuffed himself with some nice juicy bamboo shoots.

Batman: Yo, Supes, what's up? Why the long face? Why so serious, to quote the Joker?
Superman: I am sad, that's why the long face and, incidentally, I was born with a long face, unlike yours!
B: Bah, you've got no sense of humour. What's bothering you now?
S: Um... nothing.
B: C'mon, Supes, I know there's something bothering you. Tell me, what unfortunate philosophical dilemma have you encountered now?
S: It's just... no, never mind.
B: Tell me, Supie.
S: It's Hugh Hefner.
B: Heff? That old rabbit? What about him? Has he discovered one of your weaknesses?
S: No, nothing like that. It's just that I am jealous of him.
B: Jealous? Of an old man? Why? He's got nothing on you!
S: Actually, he does. He's almost 80, dying and yet he's got rooms full of naked girls falling all over him because they want to be with him. While I, with all my superpowers and all, am stuck with Lois.
B: But, Supes, Lois is a nice girl. She'll probably want to marry you and have kids with you... super kids.
S: No, she doesn't. She thinks one super jackass is enough for the world. Anyway, she doesn't want kids who are stronger than her.
B: Hmmm... that would be a problem. Listen, I gotta go.
S: (perking up a bit) Why do you have to go now? Is there something I can do? Beat up a supervillain or someone?
B: Nah. I got a date with this hot blonde chick. Don't tell Rachel, by the way. She thinks I am somewhere in northern Europe on some business, while she's at her sister's place babysitting her twins.
S: (With his jaw dropping to the ground and creating a crack in the earth) You've got a date with a blonde chick? Now, I am becoming jealous of you!
B: What for? Okay, tell me what happened with Hugh.

Batman: Tell me, Superman, What was Rachel doing at the
Playboy mansion?

Superman: I told you, she was having fun, just like you
last weekend! What do you want? A video recording?
Ask Spiderman for that. He's got lots of those and her's!

S: You know, early today morning, I was flying around town making sure there was no crime happening when I flew over the Playboy mansion and I nearly fell out of the sky. There were all these girls there in the mansion partying in the lawn around the pool. They were all looking so beautiful. All those tiny bikinis, nice taut bodies. Man, the things I could have done with all of them.
B: Well, Playboy mansion is known for that kind of thing. In fact, I have a key to the house. I can go there any time. I was there just last weekend and boy, did I have fun.
S: Hugh gave you a key? Why hasn't he given me one? You are making me feel worse.
B: Oh sorry. Listen, I'll leave you to your devices (looking around the empty Fortress) and well, let you sort it out yourself. (Thinking, thank god, he hasn't said a word about Rachel!)
S: Rachel was there.
B: Where?
S: Playboy mansion. She's not at her sister's place looking after her twins.
B: Huh! How do you know?
S: I flew over it, remember? And with my super eyesight, I can see better than you can at any given time and anywhere even in your darkest batcave.
B: What was she doing there?
S: Who?
B: Rachel, who else?
S: Same thing that you did last weekend.
B: What do you mean?
S: Having fun!
B: What kind of fun?
S: The usual kind.
B: (Getting exasperated now) You aren't making any sense, Superman. Tell me exactly what did you see?
S: Exactly what I saw was your girl, Rachel, having fun at the Playboy mansion.
B: Aaarrgghh... what exactly was she doing?
S: I told you, she was having fun!
B: Tell me, Superman, what was Rachel doing at the Playboy Mansion?
S: I told you, she was having fun, just like you last weekend. What do you want? A video recording? Ask Spiderman for that. He's got lots of those and her's!

Batman flings himself at Superman to hit him, only to be blown back by a blast of cold air from Superman.