The Problems of Being Ravan-II Or Ravan's travails with demonetisation and other things

Taking off from where I left it last time, or rather continuing from where I left it last time because, well, the situation has changed. If you haven't read the first part, please do here: The Problems of Being Ravan

Scenario: A morose Ravan is sitting on a chair outside Nandu's tea stall somewhere in Delhi. In his right hand he's holding some pink papers. In his left a cellphone. Lord Ram appears, all tanned (from his Sri Lanka trip) and beaming like a 1000-watt bulb.

Lord Ram: Ravan, dude, what's up?
Ravan: Look Ram, I really don't have time for any of your bickering. I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I don't know if I can take it any longer.
LR: Whoa, dude, like you are really out. Tell me what happened?
R: What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? You don't have any clue, do you? The world's gone all topsy turvy and here you are standing there asking me what happened?
LR: No, seriously, what happened?
R: (flashing the pink papers in his hand) Look at this. Do you know what this is?
LR: Nope, why not enlighten me, pun intended?
R: These are the new currency notes that have been brought into circulation by the government in your country. Can you see this? This is PINK in colour. Do you think a man's man like me is going to be seen pulling a pink currency note out of his raw, but faux, bull's hide wallet? I mean, I can imagine seeing it coming out of my numerous wives' wallets in their dainty hands with pretty fingers with pink nail paint. But me? No, sir. I am going to wage war on these notes.
LR: War? On these notes? Like seriously, how are you going to wage war on lifeless papers? What about our war? And where did you get these from?
R: I don't know. I need to call my trusted advisor and ask him how. And no, I am not going to fight with you right now. And I got these notes from the teller at the bank. I had to give him back the old currency notes. I got gypped there too. I gave him 4000 bucks and he returned only these 2500 bucks. I am beginning to get really exasperated. The fellow said it's good for the nation and that if I had to prove my loyalty to the nation, I shouldn't crib.
LR: Why ask your advisor? Why can't any one of your 10 heads think up of a nefarious scheme?
R: We've all got headaches looking at these notes and this cellphone and thanks to all this pollution.
LR: Cellphone? Why? Couldn't figure it out, could you? And what about pollution?
R: No, we figured it out well and good. Problem is we can't use it. My beautiful Lanka has so much better air quality. Here, all I get to breathe in is car exhaust fumes, people's farts, bad body odour. I've got a bad cough and I don't even smoke!
LR: Huh? Why? One too many heads with a pair of ears each? And yes, the air quality in Lanka is far better.
R: The problem is that I can't get a conversation of a decent length in without the call dropping. I've been trying to call my Prime Minister for the last half hour and all I've managed to say to him has been "Hello". After that the call drops or doesn't connect properly. I've got a 4G sim which, I think, is disabled like me. I've run out of balance and have only these currency notes with me which are usable. I need to get a new Jio sim.
LR: Oookkaayyy. Minor hassles, don't you think? Why not go back to Lanka?
R: I can't!
LR: But why?
R: My ride's stuck in traffic! Some clown has also managed to put a deep scratch in my gold plated fenders. I am going to find him and kill him.
LR: Tsk, like, dude, why don't you just go <poof> and head on back to Lanka? You are a great lord and can do that, can't you?
R: I can't.
LR: But why? Have you forgotten how to do that?
R: No. My disability pension rules say I can't do anything that the others can't. So, I have to wait for my ride. It's already 3 hours late.
LR: Say, you wanna hitch a ride with me?
R: You'll give me a ride?
LR: Sure, why not? I can tell you about where all Sita and I went in Lanka and enjoyed.
R: Oh cool. Help me up, will you? Where's your ride?
LR: Stuck in traffic!

WCF (let your imagination run!)

Sri Sri Ravishankar has his heart in the right place, but he's not thinking things through.

The World Culture Festival that is going to take place over three days - March 11, 12, 13 - has already generated enough controversy to last the country for a whole year and maybe after that as well, but that isn't really what is needed now. And in India, culture is religion and religion is everything. Each and every aspect of our 'culture' is drawn from religion.

Having faith is a good thing, but that doesn't mean that faith takes precedence over everything else. In this case, the Yamuna floodplains which have been taken over by the preparations for the event have led to the uprooting, or cutting, of numerous trees that hold the soil together and prevent widespread flooding during monsoons, but has also damaged the homes of many birds that were commonly seen around there.

Prior to the massive ugliness being erected on the floodplains, one could spot Black Kites perched on pillars sunning themselves in the cold mornings waiting for their wings to dry and then take to the air, lifted up by their mighty shoulders and thence soaring even higher on thermal currents. Over the last two weeks, I haven't seen a single black kite in that area.

The land on which the World Culture Festival's stage has been set up was once home to many species of tiny passerine birds which have now been made homeless by the wanton construction there. What's worse, the pontoon bridge that the army has set up for the event floats over the waters of the Yamuna and is in an area that was once home to waterfowl of different species.

The Okhla bird sanctuary is just a stone's throw from the venue for the event. Think of the damage the incessant noise - generated by people, loudspeakers, generators - of three days of events and the garbage that 35 lakh people - yes, that's the number of devotees expected to visit the event - will generate and how badly the environment there will be damaged. The Yamuna is already polluted, the water birds that live around the place are already feeding in poisoned waters - a tragic situation considering that it is in the heart of the capital of a country. The only wildlife seen around there these days is animals that walk on two legs, wear shades and clothes. Oh yeah, there's also some elephants, but it seems Medusa had a go at them and they are now all rock! I even saw a beheaded head (?) of a suitably decked pachyderm lying around there with his eyes pointed to the skies urging the gods to smite down the ignominy being built there.

The river is already dead and now with this event, we are going to kill or get rid of whatever lives around the river. In a city that is already suffering from immense pollution, we are inviting lakhs of people to come visit the event over three days. Sign boards have already been erected even in Gurgaon directing people to the venue. (This, chidren, is called Mass Madness, or March Madness) Think of the pollution levels that the city will have to face. Delhiites would do much better if they were to take a day off from work on Friday and get out of the city for three-four days.

In a tweet Sri Sri says, "I appeal to all parties to not politicize the #WCF2016. It is to unite all cultures, nations, religions & ideologies. Let's come together!" I ask you, what is the point of uniting when there's nothing left to live for? When you've already killed Mother Nature and there's nothing left to save? Isn't that redundant to what our ancient texts and holy books teach?

In the end, religion will not save you. In fact, the only thing that could have had the power to save you - Mother Nature - is being slowly but brutally killed with your religion and by holding such events.

The problem with us Indians is that for us, religion comes foremost. We don't think twice before setting up a pandal and going all hammer and tongs in praise of the lords who, I am sure, if they exist and have some semblance of common sense, have noise cancelling earplugs stuck firmly in their ears and are ignoring the praying, pleading masses.

For us Indians, religion is something that we need to do in and with the public. How else will one get recognition for being "very religious"? Looking at the jamboree that is going to take place between March 11-13 on the Yamuna floodplains, the sadhus of yore had it all wrong when they went into the jungles to meditate and find god. If only they had had the foresight and the knowledge of putting up some loudspeakers and a dance floor with some DJ playing some hip number with some Mandakini dancing in front of him, he would have attained nirvana or moksha sooner. Alas, those sadhus wasted their lifetimes living in the jungle, meditating atop a rock, unfortunately getting their butts bitten by red ants or suffering some other ghastly fate. Amateurs, I tell you. The modern day Babas have perfected the art of religion down to a science. And that science is pretty much evident right here in Delhi with the World Culture Festival. Or #WCF, if you please. Yup. It's the age of twitter/facebook/instagram religion where your karma gets counted with #es!

Beat that, you sadhus of yore!

RIP, little birds of Okhla Bird Sanctuary and Yamuna floodplains.