(If any Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, Mary Jane or Rachel lovers are hurt by this, be cool, guys, it's just fiction!)
Scene:
Superman sitting in his Fortress of Solitude looking all grim and sad.
<Enter>
Batman with his usual flourish and penchant for theatricality.
Superman:
You know something? For all your finesse and all your gadgets and all, you are
too loud. I could hear you coming from miles away.
Batman:
That’s because you have super-hearing. A normal human wouldn’t have heard it.
You are an alien freak.
S: True.
B: So what’s
wrong today? And before you begin, I warn you, don’t you go anywhere near
Rachel. Last night I was about to motorboat her when I remembered our talk and
ended up going limp on her. I doubt I’ll be seeing her sometime soon.
S: Yeah, I
know. I heard Rachel scream and kick you in the head. I had a good laugh.
B: Supes,
you are ruining my love life. I can understand you have problems, but that
doesn’t mean that you have to make my life miserable.
S: Sorry. I
didn’t mean to, but well...
B: So, tell
me what’s bothering you now?
S: Spiderman
was here just a while ago.
B: Yeah, I
know. I saw him limping out of here. He looked as if he had been run over by a
lawn mower. What happened?
S: I had to
beat him up.
B: You? Why?
S: Because
of Mary Jane.
B: Who Mary
Jane?
S:
Spiderman’s girl.
B: Oh yeah.
Ugly chick that. Nothing like my Rachel.
S: That’s
what you think. Ask him.
B: Let’s not
go there. So what about Mary Jane?
S: I got
drunk last night.
B: And why
did you get drunk?
S: You know
how I’ve got this super soft corner for Wonder Woman and how badly I want to
get in those tight latex panties of hers?
B: Yeah. I
know.
S: Well, I
decided to do something about it and asked her out. She refused, saying she
couldn’t go out with me. When I asked her why, she replied, “Because we are
Super Friends”. Man, was I heartbroken. So I went to the pub to get drunk and
hopefully pick up a chick who would help me take my mind of my problems.
B: So?
What’s that got to do with MJ?
S: Actually,
I was not in my Superman suit and was at this pub on the 40th floor
of a high-rise building. Nice place. Great views of Metropolis all around. You
should go there some time.
B: Ok. You
went to a pub, got drunk, so?
S: Actually,
MJ was there and well, we got talking.
B: So, did
you bring her home? Is that why Spiderman was here?
S: No, no. I
didn’t bring her home. I was having beer and she asked me if it was nice. I
told her it was fantastic. I also told her it was so fantastic that after
downing one beer, I can fly. She didn’t believe me. So, I downed one beer and
stepped to the window and jumped. I took two rounds of the building and came
back. She couldn’t believe her eyes.
B: So?
S: The
stupid woman had her beer and went and jumped out of the window. There’s an
MJ-sized blood stain on the road there now, not to mention a two-foot deep pit.
Apparently, she bounced a couple of feet when she hit the road. And she was
screaming, “I am flying. I am flying. I am flying.”
B: So...
she’s dead, is it? You killed her.
S: No, I
didn’t kill her. I just didn’t save her. There’s a difference.
B: Well, you
did tell her that the beer could make you fly.
S: Dude,
beer or no beer, I can fly. I am Superman. She wasn’t. And I specifically said
I can fly, not she could fly.
B: Oh boy.
So what did Spiderman say when he was here?
S: He wanted
to know why I did it.
B: And?
S: I told
him that I thought he needed saving, so well, there it was. Anyway, Spidey had
earlier cribbed to me that she’s only great to look at; otherwise, she’s got a
fused bulb for brains. And she’s hardly any good in bed; actually he used the
word “web”.
B: Oh boy.
So what did he do?
S: He tried
to hit me.
B: Really?
Fat lot of good it must have done him.
S: Yeah, he
broke his hand. Anyway, he tried to hit me a number of times and ended up
hurting himself.
B: So how
did you get him to go home?
S: Oh
simple, I showed him some of Rachel’s nude pics and told him she was looking
for a boyfriend.
B: WHAT??
Where did you get the pics?
S: That’s
for me to know and you to find out.
B: Superman,
I am gonna kill you.
<Sounds
of Batman hitting Superman and each time crying out in pain.>
