Monday, April 22, 2013

A Fictitious Dialogue between Superman and Batman III or The love life of Superman


(If any Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, Mary Jane or Rachel lovers are hurt by this, be cool, guys, it's just fiction!)


Scene: Superman sitting in his Fortress of Solitude looking all grim and sad.
<Enter> Batman with his usual flourish and penchant for theatricality.
Superman: You know something? For all your finesse and all your gadgets and all, you are too loud. I could hear you coming from miles away.
Batman: That’s because you have super-hearing. A normal human wouldn’t have heard it. You are an alien freak.
S: True.
B: So what’s wrong today? And before you begin, I warn you, don’t you go anywhere near Rachel. Last night I was about to motorboat her when I remembered our talk and ended up going limp on her. I doubt I’ll be seeing her sometime soon.
S: Yeah, I know. I heard Rachel scream and kick you in the head. I had a good laugh.
B: Supes, you are ruining my love life. I can understand you have problems, but that doesn’t mean that you have to make my life miserable.
S: Sorry. I didn’t mean to, but well...
B: So, tell me what’s bothering you now?
S: Spiderman was here just a while ago.
B: Yeah, I know. I saw him limping out of here. He looked as if he had been run over by a lawn mower. What happened?
S: I had to beat him up.
B: You? Why?
S: Because of Mary Jane.
B: Who Mary Jane?
S: Spiderman’s girl.
B: Oh yeah. Ugly chick that. Nothing like my Rachel.
S: That’s what you think. Ask him.
B: Let’s not go there. So what about Mary Jane?
S: I got drunk last night.
B: And why did you get drunk?
S: You know how I’ve got this super soft corner for Wonder Woman and how badly I want to get in those tight latex panties of hers?
B: Yeah. I know.
S: Well, I decided to do something about it and asked her out. She refused, saying she couldn’t go out with me. When I asked her why, she replied, “Because we are Super Friends”. Man, was I heartbroken. So I went to the pub to get drunk and hopefully pick up a chick who would help me take my mind of my problems.

B: So? What’s that got to do with MJ?
S: Actually, I was not in my Superman suit and was at this pub on the 40th floor of a high-rise building. Nice place. Great views of Metropolis all around. You should go there some time.
B: Ok. You went to a pub, got drunk, so?
S: Actually, MJ was there and well, we got talking.
B: So, did you bring her home? Is that why Spiderman was here?
S: No, no. I didn’t bring her home. I was having beer and she asked me if it was nice. I told her it was fantastic. I also told her it was so fantastic that after downing one beer, I can fly. She didn’t believe me. So, I downed one beer and stepped to the window and jumped. I took two rounds of the building and came back. She couldn’t believe her eyes.
B: So?
S: The stupid woman had her beer and went and jumped out of the window. There’s an MJ-sized blood stain on the road there now, not to mention a two-foot deep pit. Apparently, she bounced a couple of feet when she hit the road. And she was screaming, “I am flying. I am flying. I am flying.”
B: So... she’s dead, is it? You killed her.
S: No, I didn’t kill her. I just didn’t save her. There’s a difference.
B: Well, you did tell her that the beer could make you fly.
S: Dude, beer or no beer, I can fly. I am Superman. She wasn’t. And I specifically said I can fly, not she could fly.
B: Oh boy. So what did Spiderman say when he was here?
S: He wanted to know why I did it.
B: And?
S: I told him that I thought he needed saving, so well, there it was. Anyway, Spidey had earlier cribbed to me that she’s only great to look at; otherwise, she’s got a fused bulb for brains. And she’s hardly any good in bed; actually he used the word “web”.
B: Oh boy. So what did he do?
S: He tried to hit me.
B: Really? Fat lot of good it must have done him.
S: Yeah, he broke his hand. Anyway, he tried to hit me a number of times and ended up hurting himself.
B: So how did you get him to go home?
S: Oh simple, I showed him some of Rachel’s nude pics and told him she was looking for a boyfriend.
B: WHAT?? Where did you get the pics?
S: That’s for me to know and you to find out.
B: Superman, I am gonna kill you.
<Sounds of Batman hitting Superman and each time crying out in pain.>

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